Random Thoughts on Symmes

… inept, but trying real hard

I’ve always been a Goonie! June 2, 2008

Filed under: Creativity,Fun!,Humor,John,Photos,Quotes,Random,Rants,Uncategorized,Video — Layni @ 11:44 am

In his most recent blog entry, John! had the following words of wisdom [along with a fun flashback] for us all.

John writes:

Go back into the annals of beloved ’80s films, and you’d be hard pressed to find a movie closer to the hearts of thirty-somethings than The Goonies.  I’ll spare you the synopsis, as you most likely already know it, but if you don’t, no need to worry – you’ve seen 20 other movies like it in its time. The template: nerdy but affable underdog(s) suffer unrelenting ridicule by jocks in varsity letter jackets but ultimately have their comeuppance, usually stealing a smoking hot girlfriend or two in the process.

   In the case of The Goonies, a band of awkward, socially outcast kids set off to find a buried treasure, narrowly averting almost certain death and outrunning, among others, a popular high school jock named Troy.  Troy is one of  the classic cinematic archetypes of the 1980s; the jock. He’s good looking, rocks a period-relative badass Mustang convertible, and he’s a total prick.  All we can do from the moment Troy enters the frame is to wait with baited breath to see Troy lose and the Goonies win. 

And in that end, back in 1985 when the underdogs had their day, (and their bag of jewels), and the final credits rolled and we called our parents for a ride home, we realized something fantastic: It’s true, we weren’t Troy. But for the first time, thanks to The Goonies, we no longer wanted to be Troy. It was okay to be us, thank you very much.

   Cut to present day.

   What happened to the better part of a generation that once walked out of their local theater rooting for the Mikeys and Chunks and Datas of the world? They’ve turned into Troys. Troys who can’t accept the differences in others and condemn the things they don’t understand. Finger-pointing, shit-talking Troys.

   Ask yourself: with whom do you identify more these days, Troy or the Goonies? And if you’re reading this and you happen to be an Internet shit-talker, could it be because you think I’m Troy?  Because honest to God, I’ve always fancied myself a Goonie; the underdog who toppled over the narrow-minded naysayers and walked away with a treasure.

   So maybe this whole thing is one big misunderstanding and it turns out we don’t need to go down as a generation remembered as having spent the ’00s wearing our asses like hats after all. Maybe it will turn out that we needed a little time to figure out that in the end we’re all just a bunch of Goonies.


Yes!  I AM A GOONIE [to exactly noone’s surprise]  Look!  Just one more thing John & I have in common.  I’m a Goonie.  He’s a Goonie.  Coincidence?  I say destiny.

Goonies- then

Beware of booty traps.  You mean boobie traps?  That’s what I said, booty traps.  God, these guys!


John asked me to share this with you January 14, 2008

Filed under: Events,Fun!,John,Photos,Quotes,Random,Uncategorized — Layni @ 4:10 pm

Under the (impression he can) influence (people around him).  


I’m influenced.  Hi.


John writes:

Went out to dinner Thursday night.  My car.  One glass of wine.  Carpooled from dinner to go out to one more place.  Everyone in my car.  At the next spot, I do the Diet Coke with Lime thing.  My favorite scotch (Lagavulin 16 year) arrives under my nose.  “Can’t do it,” I say.  Then I find out my friend has switched to Designated Driver and has a plan that involves everyone getting home safe.  Cool.  I love Lagavulin when the time is right. Now it’s the end of the night and I’m feeling wonderfully buzzy and ready to get dropped off to my house in my car, except the person that was going to follow my car in the DD’s car to drive him back isn’t in shape to drive either.

It’s 2 o’clock in the morning.  I call my housemate Chad.  Chad’s sleeping.  He was in the studio all day.  I explain to him that I need him to jump in the back seat of my car, ride to the DD’s car and drive me back home.  Of course Chad says, “yes” and comes through like a champ.  A champ, I say.

Here’s what I want to tell you:

If I, incredibly hot/fugly John Mayer can make that call, so can you.

The distance from the parking lot to my house was about 5 miles, mostly straight shot up the coast of Santa Monica, zero traffic.  And I didn’t drive it.  Me.  The guy who gets the VIP velvet rope treatment in life.

Oh, and the call?  It’s not the coolest you’ll ever sound.  And the logistics?  It’s kind of inelegant.  You trace the same route twice when all you want to do is fall into bed.  But you gotta do it.

This is all coming from a guy who you can be sure would have found a sexier way to get home if there was one available.  And there just isn’t, especially in LA.  (You can be sexy again the next day when you wake up with the rest of your big, beautiful life in front of you.)

I’m not writing this to earn golf claps, it’s just that if I’m going to stand in any way as an ambassador of something cool or influential, this is more important than any pair of sneakers or a guitar.

And to give a big high five to the Chads of the world.

See you around



<sigh> Because I needed ONE MORE REASON to adore him. 

Golf clap, John.  Golf clap indeed. 


With so many apologies to John September 14, 2007

Now with videos! 

Well, y’all, I went.  I went to my allergy/sinus appointment.  I said I wasn’t going to go, but I did.  It wasn’t nearly as bad as I’d anticipated, or even as bad as Marirose said it would be [thanks for that Marirose], but it certainly wasn’t pleasant either.  It was what it was, as they say.  Long story short, they suspect that I just have nasty bacterial infection that’s taken up residency deep in my sinuses.  And you don’t have to tell me how HOT that sounds.  They gave me a 3 week round of antibiotics, after which I have to go in and have a CT scan of my head — to make sure it’s gone.  It’s challenging to type with my fingers crossed.

I went straight from my appointment to the hospital to be there for Mom’s angiogram.  Which, it turns out, she doesn’t have a blockage at all [yay!], the results of her stress test were inaccurate.  Apparently this is pretty common.  I personally find that very reasurring.  Too bad she didn’t know that before she freaked the heck out.  They suspect her chest pains were from said freaking the heck out.  However, they’ve also suggested that they could have been the result of a gall bladder issue.  I suspect they’re incompetent.  She’s having an ultrasound next week to confirm this.  So anyhow, she’s home now — so many thanks for your good thoughts & prayers.

Anyway!  Moving on.  Here are some miscellaneous ramblings, in no particular order.

Oh, I’ve been listening to Kanye West’s new CD , Graduation, all day at KissCincinnati.com [107.1]  Hurrah for free streaming music!  I really like the first 3 songs on the CD & have been bringing it on home right here at my desk.  Much to my co-workers dismay, I’m sure.   

“I heard you do anything for a Klondike.  You can be my black Kate Moss tonight.” Seriously?  Can’t help but to dance though.

Additionally, you should definitely check out Lil Mama, “Lip Gloss” [Love, love, love that this video is all about the dance & the beats.  And that she managed to pull off a song about … you know, lip gloss.  No hoochies were used in the making of this video.  Ahhh, refreshing!] 

Her magic lip gloss kicks ass. 

and Soulja Boy, “Crank Dat”. 

 Catchy, no?

I can’t stop saying …

“They say my lip gloss is cool
My lip gloss be popping
I’m standing at my locker
And all the boys keep stopping …”

Because that is lyrical genius. 

I’ve always wondered why I get so many people stopping by my desk each day.  Now I know.  It’s my lip gloss.

I need to go to Costco tonight.  And also to the grocery.  Oh, and also I think we’re going to try a new cafe in Hamilton called the Riverside or Riverview Cafe.  I passed it on the way to the hospital & it looked interesting.  We have high hopes for it because we’ve been looking for a place where everybody knows our name.  You just don’t get that at Applebees.  Yessss, it’s on the west side of Hamilton [talkin’ bout some West Siiiiide], but WHATEVER, it would be a small price to pay to find a close local hangout, is our thinking.  I’ll give y’all a review later.

That’s all I’ve got.  Happy weekend!  I’ll talk to you soon.


Neon September 13, 2007

Filed under: Events,Family,Friends,John,Quotes,Random,Uncategorized — Layni @ 12:06 am

She’s always buzzing just like
Neon, neon
Neon, neon
Who knows how long, how long, how long
She can go before she burns away  [John Mayer, Neon, ‘Inside Wants Out’ cd]

[Sort of summarizes how I feel this week.  BUZZ.  BUZZ.]

It’s been a particularly bad week, starting with my ongoing undiagnosed & seemingly uncurable illness saga.  Then Monday was exceptionally hectic at work.  I stayed up too late talking on the phone waaaay too long Monday night because about one night a week I do that.  Don’t ask me why.  Apparently it’s how I roll.

Then there’s yesterday.  I had a dentist appointment & nothing says, “Rise & shine, pumpkin” like having a mouth stretching device stuffed in your mouth at 9:30 a.m.


Then after a “short preparation to isolate your lips & gums” you’ll look like this


for like an hour.  After about 45 minutes your bottom teeth will start to feel like someone is tapping on the roots with a ball pein hammer that’s made of ice & also twisting a needle-sized cork screw into your gums.  This is also when my knees started to sweat.  I made some groany noises [because I wasn’t able to talk the whole time you guys!] & began snapping my fingers all, “I’M DONE.  I’M TAPPING OUT.  HOLY HELL GIVE ME A SEDATIVE!”  The hygienist [who was the sweetest thing ever, by the way] heard me & came running like, “Are you having a little pain?  Are you done?”  Um.  Yes. 

The results were fantastic – on all of my teeth that are not a crown.  Which would be my FRONT tooth [remember that story?  Hi Tara], so I now also get to look forward to additional dental procedures next Tuesday to correct what I am lovingly referring to as Corn Tooth.  Dear Lord, is it Tuesday yet?  [ok, so it’s not really that noticable, but I want it done & over with NOW!  YouknowwhatI’msayin’?]

What the heck else?  Oh, well, lately Mom hasn’t been feeling well.  She thought she was trying to come down with something, but she never actually did and she just kept feeling crappy.  So Mom, who (fortunately) is always on the lookout for contracting something requiring some form of medication decided that she needed to go to the doctor already.  Stress tests and bloodwork ensued.  Then on Tuesday night, she gets a call from her doctor telling her something involving the word blockage, he’d call the next morning to tell her the plan of action.  So obviously she was a little freaked the heck out and I’m pretty sure that the woman didn’t exhale for the rest of the night, wondering what they were going to do, what they would find, etc.  Because your thoughts are your worst enemy in situations like this.  Wednesday morning came & went & she still hadn’t heard from the doctor so she continued with the thinking and thinking and thinking [and also with the not exhaling].  I told her to call the Dr.’s office to find out what the heck was going on.  Within a few minutes of hanging up with her, she called again, this time sounding as though she might be beginning to exhale but not because she wanted to, but on account of she was forming a slow leak from all of the not breathing [because people, you just can’t do that].  They hadn’t answered and she had to leave a message.  It was about this time that the chest pains started. 

Well I’m not a doctor [I don’t even play one on TV] so to be on the safe side I told her to head to the emergency room.  Harold & the girls took her to the hospital, where they did more blood work & a chest x-ray and after much waiting around, they decided to admit her for observation and plan to do an angiogram in the morning to determine what’s going on.  She was doing fine when I left this evening — eating the chicken & noodles and dinner rolls that I’d brought her from Bob Evans with her hiney hanging out of her swanky hospital gown so if y’all don’t mind, please send up words this evening that all goes well tomorrow.  Thanks.

Oh, and to add to the excitement of today, I had to rush through dinner at PF Changs, where I was playing matchmaker for two friends.  [Sorry for cutting out so early guys, but you certainly can’t expect Mom to trapse around the hospital without her pink house slippers.  Gaw.]  Wonder if we had any chemistry?

Alright Janice!

Now it’s currently Thursday the day I’m supposed to have my 3 hr. assault on my sinuses very important allergy testing appointment and I’m going to need to cancel [durn it] to be with Mom during her test.  Ooooh well. 

And so, that’s it.  Now we wait to make sure Mom is ok.  I will be back as soon as possible with an update on Mom, my matchmaking abilities, my case of TB, and possibly a picture of my shiny new teeth.  In the meantime, if y’all would send up some prayers for my Mom, I sure would appreciate it.


Togetherness August 14, 2007

Filed under: Children,Creativity,Events,Family,Fun!,John,Random,Uncategorized — Layni @ 3:59 pm

When your children have free time between school, sports, camps & social engagements and you are helpless to do much of anything but go along with their childish whims, you learn things.  If you’re lucky, you learn that when you adopt a positive attitude, putting aside your wants, desires & what needs to be done & live entirely in the moment, your child can be … fun.
You’ll realize, quickly, that most of your annoyance (which is likely just your own pent up hostilities, because let’s face it, you have issues) stems not from your children’s actions per se but that their actions generally run exactly parallel to whatever you need them to do.  The timeline of a kid is not harmonized in the slightest with the timeline of reality.  For instance, you could say to your child, “Time to get your bath!” and said child will reply, “Yes, but first I have to do [blah]”- blah being “put my Littlest Pets to bed” or “tell you a long-drawn-out story about the dream I had last night — that, by the way — was waaay crazier than any dream you’ve ever dreamt, Mommy” or “finish this episode of Spongebob that I could plausibly quote to you verbatim.” or “show you the dance I just learned AND additionally, I’d like to demonstrate for you how every other girl on the team does it – individually.”  I’m pretty sure that there is a direct correlation between the request and the expediting of said request that directly affects the annoyance of the parent.  Actually, yeah, I’m sure.
But when you have no agenda, no where to go, and nothing in particular to do that can’t wait until another time you’ll see that their action-packed brain is not without its entertainment value people. You can, say, spend an hour on the computer shopping for furniture & clothing for Webkinz [because dogs need flip-flops & big screen TV’s] and play a round of HORSE basketball [can be abbreviated to PIG if it’s over 90 degrees outside].  You can sit on your daughter’s bed & listen to her new favorite band – even if you argue that the lead singer has a mullet – which will spark additional equally important conversation that some day you’ll both look back fondly on & share additional moments laughing about together – because she defended the mullet.  You can find the hidden pictures at Highlights.com, whose difficulty is grossly understated and dancing wildly & exaggeratedly around the living room to John Mayer is not out of the question either.  This, my friends, is living.
Of course, you can do all this knowing that they’ll be back at school in just a few short weeks.  This helps too.


“Chocolate Rain” Remix! August 6, 2007

Filed under: Fun!,John,Photos,Quotes,Random,Uncategorized — Layni @ 11:13 pm

My first attempt at posting a video and additional John[!] love.  Dang, that boy funny.

This was John’s response to the original “Chocolate Rain” video posted on YouTube by Tay Zonday [ A slightly creepy kid that sounds like James Earl Jones meets Nelly Furtado.]  You just have to see if for yourself. 


“Classics Redefined”, indeed!

Filed under: Fun!,John,Photos,Random,Uncategorized — Layni @ 3:47 pm

 Gratuitous John love.  You’re welcome.


Sweater vest?  Yes, please.

John[!] poses for Annie Leibovitz in the new Gap campaign, “Classics Redefined”.  Have mercy.