Random Thoughts on Symmes

… inept, but trying real hard

Look what I’ve found! A moment to write you. September 28, 2008

Filed under: Children,Family,Fun!,Humor,Life,Photos,Quotes,Random,Uncategorized — Layni @ 11:34 pm

I’m hoping this week won’t be so ridiculously busy & I can find a brief moment to catch y’all up on what it is I’ve been up to [starting with long-since-past vacation … gawd!]  Wish me luck.

Utilizing the invaluable Gangsta Name Generator  tool [good for keeping it sorta real],
I found that who we have here are, “Butt-Jugglin Train Jumpa [left] & Sweet Indian”. 
So, word to your mother.
Fly-ass Ass Grabba
[Question of the day:  What’s your gangsta name?]

I’m all over the place in this one August 25, 2008

Filed under: Children,Events,Family,Fun!,Photos,Random,Travel,Uncategorized — Layni @ 12:28 am

I’m sorry it’s been a while since my last post, but we’ve been busy beavers over here.  And that is because following vacation [which, incidentally, I plan to post about photo-essay style at a later time, and that time being when I find the time to upload my pictures to the computer]. 

And speaking of photos, I would be remiss not to share this awesome deal from Walgreens with you:

Remember this summer every year 4x6 Prints 50 for $5 GET COUPON CODE

Here’s hoping that comes across as a clickable link.  

Do you ever get startled by a glare in your glasses?  Ha!  Like, out of the corner of your eye you’ll see a flash of light that looks like something just shot past you & you’re all, “Whoa!  What the heck was that?”  No?  Maybe its just these stupid BIFOCALS.  Whatever.

I could look this up, because I’m researchy like that, but in an attempt to save time, do y’all have any suggestions for rawhides that don’t become soggy throat plugs when chewed?   Because my dogs lives are at stake here.


I think she’s talking about me. 

Is anyone else sad that summer’s almost over?  This is my summer of decent TAN [well, by pale white-girl standards anyway].  Why must you end?  And back to school.  Ugh!  Back to school means HOMEWORK and homework equals stress.  Because homework results in grades.  Grades that are important and for a 15 year old … also future-determining!  Ack.  Plus it also means that instead of leisurely morning routines [because said beautiful children are still sleeping during leisurely morning routine], that mornings will now entail assuring that 15 year old is up, dressed halfway presentable & out the door by 6:20 [I repeat, “Ack”] and that 8 year old is up, dressed, fed, has teeth brushed, that backpack contains all necessary papers, permission slips and chapstick and is on the bus BEFORE finalizing self to get out the door in a timely manner to arrive at job-with-added-responsibilities at an acceptable hour. 

[Shoot!  Look at the time.  It’s 1:25 a.m. I have to get to bed.]

I’ll be back soon with more on these topics AND Vacation:  A Photo Essay.  Until then, back to school, we spit on you.  And then, we sing John Mayer.


Busy, busy, dreadfully busy August 6, 2008

Here’s the scoop:

1. I am alive.
2. Thank you for asking.
3. Things were very busy.
4. Oh, wait.  They still are.

That’s … pretty much it.  Hello.

Me = Being consumed whole by new job and lots of other activities, but

Me = Still loves you.  Really.

You = Patient.  And also,

You = Good looking.  Did you get a haircut?  Is that a new shirt?  Because

You = One sexy beast.  I’m just saying.

Anyway. Y’ALL. This new job? The one I haven’t told you about yet.  The one where I am when I go to work in the morning?  It is really BUSY. They want a lot of this “work” business, and apparently it will calm down soon, once I learn what the heck I am doing, but right now I am hoping someone will just show up and KILL ME ALREADY because Hoo Boy.  Ow, with all the work and learning.  It hurts my head.

I’m only human, Boss People. I know I look capable; that is an illusion!  In reality, I don’t have the faintest idea of what I am doing!  Shh!

But … uh.  I couldn’t allow that last post to remain for one minute more, so here I am [Hi!] typing drivel.

Because I love you.  So it’s loving drivel.  Don’t hate me today.  I JUST CAN’T HANDLE IT.


Okay, see, there was this thing?  And then there was this other thing, and the net result of all of these things, and all of the SHEER PANIC and TERROR inspired by these things, and then, there was this:

I’m taking on a new role at work.

See how I said that?  Taking on a new role?  I’m wondering if that accurately conveys how I’m not just changing roles, but in ADDITION to the role I already have, I am “absorbing” a whole NEW role?  One that another human being used to do.  As their job.  Like, as their ONLY job.  But now I’ll be doing it, on top of the one I already have.  See that?  Two jobs at once.  And contrary to how I seem to be freaking-the-heck out about it.  I AM happy about this!  Wheeeeee!  [See?  Happy.]  I had even verbalized before how if I had to have another job, this would be the one I’d want to have.   But I will admit that I am suffering from a harsh case of lack of confidence in my own abilities, I have concerns people.  Everyone else is completely confident in me.  Thanks.  You’re sweet. 

I’ll let you know how that’s going.

And also, there has been the perpetual stream of evenings [occasionally even followed by some early mornings] parking cars at the ATP Tennis Tournament.  This is a requirement of the Mish kids & their parents [the acting group Ashton is in].  They make a lot of money from it.  It’s a good cause.  I keep telling myself that.  Anyway, the ATP tennis tournaments, wherein I have been berated, yelled at, shot the stink-eye, and I’m also pretty sure one lady told me to blow something out of somewhere.  Because she wasn’t handicapped and I was working the handicap lot and apparently I take my job very seriously. 

On another occasion I was working the golf lot [which means making sure that if someone pulls in there that they are, in fact, golfing & not walking over to the tennis tournament.  It’s the principle, people.]  So a man pulled in and I’m all, “Good morning sir, what are you here for?”  [NOTE:  Do NOT ask them if they’re golfing, because, y’all, PEOPLE LIE!]  So he’s all, “YES, is that ok with yooooooou?”  “Um, yes. [jerk] But, if you’re golfing, how come you don’t have on a collared shirt?”  A-HA!  SUCK IT! I’M A GOLF LOT GENIUS!  “I’m going to put it on after I shower.  Ohhhhhh,kkkkkkkkk?”  <blink>  “Ohhhhhh,kkkkkkkkk”, I responded.  And then, cinching up his face as if he’d just got a whiff of a dirty diaper filled with Indian food he went, “Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!”  <blink blink>  “Well, you have a good day sir.  And also, I hope for your sake that you walk in with clubs or you’re getting towed.  Have a nice day.”  <smile>

Did I mention that we’re leaving on Sunday for vacation?  Are.  Which will also entail getting our very bad dogs to the vet to be kenneled, except for Buster Brown, who is fortunate enough to be spending the week with my dear friend Holly & her girls.  He’s being evaluated for adoptability so he’s been given instructions to “turn on the charm”.  There will be a hefty price to pay for bad behavior.  He’s been warned [wink]. 

Working, learning, parking, shopping, delivering, planning and packing.  What in the heck am I doing on the computer!?

Once I have mastered ADDITIONAL ROLE ABSORBTION, completed infinity hours of parking cars & survive family travel, they should probably name a holiday after me, and I think we should all take it right now, no matter where we live and whether or not we like Andy Griffith, I think we should look past our little differences and just take a nap.

Anyway.  I love you.  And I will be back in a few days, with something interestinger.  Hugs!


Did you think I forgot? July 8, 2008

Filed under: Children,Events,Friends,Fun!,Photos,Random,Uncategorized — Layni @ 9:33 am

[9:33 a.m.]

About you?  Well, I haven’t.  I’ve just been remarkably busy & unable to find the time to trot out any daily musings, helpful bits or humorous nuggets.  I’m sorry.  I feel so neglectful.  Please don’t forget about me.  You’re still my sunshine.

I can quickly tell you that I have a TON going on & I know I have stories to tell [do I ever NOT?]  So, oh, ok, I know what I can do.  I’ll pop on today & update when I have a spare minute or a story hits me that I need to tell y’all about!  This means you’ll have to scoll down each time you visit today to see if I’ve added anything new.  Oh, & if you think of something I need to share — comment & remind me.  I have only had one cup of coffee, after all.

Installment #2 [2:19 p.m.]

See.  I told you I’d come back!  Oh, my gosh you guys I am feeling completely overwhelmed! 

[Crap.  I’ll be back.]

Installment #3 [3:01 p.m.]

[… and also I forgot my glasses at home today so my vision isn’t so good right now.  In case you wondered why I’m squinting.]

Ok, talk fast, Layni.  Someone could walk up & need something at any moment.  At WORK no less.  The nerve of some people.  Ok.  So first of all I need to mention that my 20 year high school reunion is this Saturday.  20 years y’all!  When did that happen?  It still seems like just yesterday that I was cruising to school in my friend Jennifer’s Camero [which, if I’m not mistaken, was ‘totally bitchin’], pegging my pants at the bottom AND wearing them at boob-level [What?  That’s not slimming?], all the while marching proudly with the band.  That’s how I rolled. 

But, you know, it wasn’t all bad jeans and frump.  I mean, frump stayed, and then somewhere along the line I decided that it would be a good idea to wear my father’s clothes.  Specifically, the clothes that did not even begin to fit me, even in my imagination.  So I stole pretty much all of the poor man’s dress shirts, which I then wore buttoned alllll the way to my chin.  Of course, they were enormous on me, so the result was a visually unsettling triangle effect, and either the shirt ballooned around me, tentlike, or I tried to stuff eight yards of starched cotton down into my jeans, which made me look like I was pregnant in both the front and back of my body.  And I remember doing this intentionally, all the time, yet as far as I know, I have never suffered a head injury.  I wish I had a picture of this phenomenon.

Anyway, I’m going on Saturday to see all of my high school pals and reminisce about ‘that one time at band camp’ and whatnot.  I just hope noone remembers my Hammer Pants. 

Remember how I told you guys I would update all day?  Well, I maybe meant another day.  [Sigh]  Sadly, I need to do work now.  But next time [possibly this evening] I will fill y’all in on:

1.) The dangers of fireworks.

2.) How the term, “Lights.  Camera.  Ashton!” is seriously affecting my social life.


3.) Show you [with pictures!] how Northsiders do a parade.

Until then.  Don’t you be talking about my big 80’s hair.  I wasn’t alone in that.


Why I believe April 12, 2008

Filed under: Children,Events,Family,Quotes,Random,Uncategorized — Layni @ 5:01 pm

Last night, Harold, Maddie & I went to dinner.  We had just left the restaurant and were sitting at the red light waiting for the green light.  We were listening to the radio.  A woman had called in to make a request.  It had been a rough year and she was at her limit as far as what she felt she could handle.  She went on to explain that as rough as it had been, she loved Jesus and knew He wouldn’t give her more than she could endure.  Could they please pick a song for her that was encouraging?  I was listening intently. 

Additionally, we were distracted by a girl.  She was standing in the median on her cell phone.  She was wearing a fur-edged, view-obstructing hood and had just unsuccessfully stepped off the curb trying to cross 4 lanes of impassable traffic and had to run quickly back to the concrete slab for safety [ironically, she was under a sign that clearly showed a person mid-walk with a red circle & line through it.  Perhaps she was, “Obvious” impaired.] 

Now, anyone who has ever rode in a car with me knows, I am, what one might call, an anxious driver.  I wait with baited breath for the light to change so I can GO.  Life is too short to waste precious moments accelerating.  Just punch it and GO.  I don’t speed, it’s just that I need to be through the intersection before the guy next to me can get his foot on the gas.  I just need to.

This said…

we’re sitting there, listening to the woman on the radio pour out her heart to millions of listeners, watching the young girl in the impractical coat, unassumingly risk her life to cross traffic illegally and somewhere in the midst of all of this … I lost track.  I started daydreaming & praying.  Praying that the girl would make it across the street without being plowed down.  Daydreaming about the lady on the radio and wondering what I song I would pick for her that may be helpful to her situation.  It would need to be encouraging. 

A car honks.

I snap out of it.

The light is green.  It’s my turn!


A school bus.

Loaded with kids from Finneytown, on their way home from a game, I guess.

Roars through the red light.

Right through the red light.

Through my green light.

Through other peoples green light.

A green light I’ve been obliviously sitting at for so long that someone needed to HONK at me all, “GO!”

Harold asks, “Do you realize what just happend?”

I didn’t.  Not really.

“Who is the person who always has to be first through the intersection?”


“Right.  So why didn’t you go?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“You should have been there.  You WOULD have been there.  I’ve never seen you miss  a light.”

“Wow.  You’re right.”

I went on through the light.  I took a few moments and digested what had just happened.  I should have been in that intersection.  Why wasn’t I in that intersection?  I had my baby with me.  Was that why?

“I don’t think it was us.”

“Huh?” , I asked.

“I don’t think it was because of us.  I think it was the kids on the bus.”

I knew what he meant and of course I agree, but I can’t help but feel like it had a small bit to do with …

Psalm 91:14 “Because they love me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue them; I will protect them, for they acknowledge my name.

Thank you God!  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you!


So she says … April 10, 2008

Filed under: Children,Creativity,Events,Family,Fun!,Quotes,Random,Uncategorized — Layni @ 1:42 pm

Maddie:  “What channel is ‘skiffy’ on?”

Me:  “Skiffy?”

Maddie:  “Yeah.  Skiffy.”

Me:  “Are you saying ‘skiffy’?”

Maddie:  “Yes.”

Me:  “I don’t think I know this ‘skiffy'”

Maddie:  “Yeeessss, Mommy.  That channel what has ‘Tales from the Dark Side’ on it what we watched yesterday?”

Me:  “Oh, you mean SCI FI!”

Maddie:  “Oh.  [giggle]”


[Home sick with an ear infection, Maddie suddenly feels like she might be sick during lunch.  Hanging over the garbage can …]

Me:  “Uh-oh, do you feel sick-y?”

Maddie:  “Uh-huh.”






Me:  “Are you done?”

Maddie:  “Say pizza or something.”

Me:  “Pizza.”

Maddie:  “Keep going.”

Me:  “Cold pizza in a dirty ashtray.  Ummm, shrimp covered in hair, dipped in mustard.”

Maddie:  “Yeah.  I’m done.  Thanks.”


[Maddie got in bed with me at some point during the night last night & around 5:30 this morning, I was awakened by her talking in her sleep]

Maddie:  *wimperwimperwhine*  “Excuse me.  Sir?  *whine* I was trying to get a toy out of the toy box *sniff sniff* and my jacket fell in the mulch.” 

Me: [???] “Awww, it’s ok.”

Maddie:  [sitting bolt upright in the bed, looking at me in disbelief]  “You could hear that?” 

Me:  “Yes.”

Maddie:  [giggling uncontrollably]


Having a conversation only she can understand April 4, 2008

Filed under: Children,Family,Food,Fun!,Quotes,Random,Uncategorized — Layni @ 11:58 pm

Sitting in Chipotle with Ashton enjoying a bowl & perusing the latest issue of CityBeat  (local indie newspaper) and I don’t know if y’all remember this or not, but when you’re a teenager it’s very important for people to think that you are like totally plugged in to the music scene.  Like somebody might ask you if you’ve heard the latest CD from Congress Freckle and you’d be all, “Um, it sounds familiar.”  So we’re reading the music section and she recognizes a band like, I don’t know, Placenta Boathouse or Gopher Factor or the Vernacular Fasteners or some such brilliant name and she’s all,

“Oh!  Placenta Boathouse.  They’re really good.”

I ask,

“Are they a local band?”

To which she replied, being sure not to make light of their evident popularity [somewhere] and with complete sincerity,

“Well, they’re not from here.  But they’re totally local where they’re from.”