I’m here! I’m here! I just can’t talk right now. I’ll be back this evening to regale you with what’s been up with me. As though you care. Do you? Do you care? I miss you. Until this evening y’all … join me with a glass of wine. It’s a date.
EYE! KEY! YAH! March 18, 2008
Say it with me, people. SAY IT WITH ME AND FEEL THE LOVE. EYE! KEY! YAH! IKEA!
We’d been trying to get over to the new IKEA since it opened all the way last Wednesday and I’m not ashamed to tell y’all that the traffic situation, coupled with the half-crazed IKEA worshippers who had made their pilgrimage to the place, sort of had me scared senseless. So, I’ve been kind of waiting for the hype to calm down, and for people to … you know, go back to their jobs and families, so that I may go shopping in peace. And I kept thinking, well, I’ll just go at an “off” time. But, people, there is no “off” time at Ikea! Ikea is always On! On and CRAZY!
Finally on Saturday I mustered the courage. You know, driven by my need for housewares. And well! HERE IS THE THING! It wasn’t so bad. I mean, it was a zoo for sure but folks were pleasant enough. Because I mean, let’s face it … it’s not like they were thinking they were heading out for a leisurely trip to Ikea and got there and were suddenly all, “What the heck is going on here?” They knew going in that they were heading into a blood-bath & they were ok with that. So they were prepared for the involuntary grab-assing that was inevitable given the sheer volume of people squeezing through those rooms. So they were pleasant and not at all grumpy. Which was good.
So, I bet everyone is wondering what I bought. Are you? Are you wondering? Are you very sure that it is Swedish and made partly of particle board? Well, if so, then you’re maybe partly right. It was surely Swedish designed, but I have to tell y’all that I was more than a little disturbed to find that most of the items that I purchased, even though the Swedish artist was credited on the piece, were made in CHINA! That’s right, y’all. Even the Swedes have jumped on the cheap labor boat. And that, my friends, was disappointing. Oh, and I didn’t buy anything made of MDF. Yet. But let me tell you what was not disappointing. THIS!
Hello. I’m the Grundtal system and I’m here to free up desperately needed counter space in your kitchen.
and these dish towels
Five of these to be exact. Only .49 apiece, people!
Oh, and this to Swedish-ly coordinate with this.
Hi. I’m your daughters new bedroom textiles. She needed me.
[Which isn’t exactly true, since she already had this
but, I mean, clearly she needed another to rotate. Clearly.]
Then there’s this
and 2 of these
some of these and a pack of these & a one of these
[Which my family appreciates very much, because me & conventional knives makes them nervous. Jeesh, you cut a finger tip off one time.]
And finally, one of these
Magnetic strip. To hang up all of those knives my family would prefer I didn’t use.
And there you have it y’all! My Ikea trip. Are you wondering how much all of those fabulous goods set me back? Are you? Are you wondering? All of these things AND a Milkdunchocolad bar :::drum roll, please:::
Yup. That’s it. $170 little dollars. Can I fully express my Ikea love without using upper-case letters? NO! And seriously. Can you believe that it’s literally 5 minutes down the road? ME EITHER! And that my BFF works there? I KNOW!
Thank you Ikea for making fabulous, low priced homegoods and thank you for coming to my home town to set up shop. But can we just talk about that China thing?
Right before I started contemplating Botox March 12, 2008
Scenario: Maddie & I are looking in the mirror while we brushed our teeth this morning.
Me: Hey, look. I have pillow marks on my face.
Maddie: The ones on your forehead?
Me: Noooooooo. The ones on my CHEEK! The ones are my forehead are from having kids.
May need a helmet for more than riding her scooter March 10, 2008
Because strapping a baseball mitt onto her head with a belt just didn’t seem safe.
I have, over the past few years, had this picture as my desktop wallpaper on more than one occassion. It makes me laugh. Out loud. Still. Also the girl walking past in the background who just noticed the backwards helmet. It still makes her laugh too. And the person in the car who pulled up next to her & nearly wrecked trying to scramble for their camera to get this money shot. Yeah. They still laugh too.
So thanks for spreading the sunshine backwards-helmet-girl. We owe ya!
Give me a ‘G’ March 4, 2008
And I don’t mean ‘rating’. [Not suitable for children, see].
I’ll be posting later with an update about my weekend, possibly even today. Probably, actually. But in the meantime, please find useful the below information that I ran across. A helpful find for all of those tricky situation when you’d like to wear that skirt that hits right below the hip, but don’t want to risk creating a potentially embarrassing situation by showing your girl business to the world [might also be referred to as a Britney moment]. Your problem is … ummm, … solved[!] Gee-awd.
2007 was all about showing your punany to the public. But now hoo-has are out. (Or should we say in?)
Thanks to Shibue Couture, you can still wear absurdly short, tight dresses without flashing your vadge to the whole world.
The panties go from your nani-nani to your bum-bum without wrapping around your hips. (Need some help visualizing? See picture.) They’re the first ever strapless G-strings.
Oh, sweet holy, why?
Made of soft, high-quality fabrics (unclear which kinds), each one comes with a liner and twelve adhesives, which mold to your special place. Yes, folks, they are reusable. Just remove the sticky stuff (the tape, people, the tape), rinse the fabric with mild soap and water, put on new adhesive, and you’re ready to whore out again.
[File under “absolutely absurd & unnecessary”. Article courtesy of DailyCandy.com]