Random Thoughts on Symmes

… inept, but trying real hard

Hallowhatodo? October 31, 2007

Filed under: Children,Events,Family,Friends,Fun!,Photos,Random,Uncategorized — Layni @ 1:53 pm

Hi!  It’s that time of year again y’all …

Halloween.  Ooooh, isn’t that scae-dee, kids?!  So, what’s a kid to be these days?  We asked Madelyn A. Perry , a very in-the-know second-grader … What are the cool kids being this Halloween?

Maddie reports that she will be dressing up as Dorothy [of Wizard of Oz fame]: she tells us that she ordered her costume from Lillian Vernon online & as such, plans to out-dazzle the Emerald City in a wizard’s ransom of sparkling sequins with attached satin blouse & headband with bow.  Sparkly shoes courtesy of Target.  Basket & Toto will have to be additionally provided.


                  Thanks China.

Maddie, we like your style. 

On to ‘oldest child’ & that dilemma there.

We say: 14 

You say: weird junior-high phase not worth revisiting


And herein lies the problem y’all.  To trick or treat.  Or not to trick or treat.  This is the question.  And I think I’ve finally sorted it out.

She wants to go trick or treating with us.  WANTS TO.  And I don’t mean, just walking around with the fam while Maddie goes door-to-door collecting all the loot.  She wants to get in on the action.  And I don’t mind telling you that I was strongly opposed at first.  I was all, you’re 14.  And you wear a bra now!  Ewww.  But she persisted, please, just one more year!  And that got me thinking.  Why am I against it again? 

I mean, we’re always grumbling about the way kids are ‘these days’ [Because we’re old enough to say that now.  We’re required to.  I think it’s a law.]  We constantly worry that they’re growing up too fast.  Well here I was perpetuating just that!  Shame on me! 

So Ashton, you go ahead & don your thrown-together-at-the-last-minute outfit proudly [Yeah, about that.  Sorry.] & trick or treat on girlfriend.  And just as in Halloween’s past, please keep in mind that eating your weight in candy is not actually something to be proud of. 



Bad blogger. Bad, bad blogger. October 29, 2007

Well, hello!  I have been gone awhile!  But it’s not like I’ve been doing anything fabulous.  I’ve been working.  Then coming home from work and … working.  Then 3-times a week I’ve been leaving work, to come home & work only to turn around & leave again to go work-out.  I have been doing a lot of work!  A whole, whole lot of work.  So much work, in fact, that I maybe get 4 real nights of sleep in a 7 day period.  Sometimes my eyes burn.  Sometimes I see my children hide from me, whispering, “she scares me!” 


So, yeah.  That’s where I’ve been.  Did ya miss me?

Ok, so I’m going to quick-like post a little right now, but I will be back A.S.A.P. to fill in the gap on all of the stimulating work I’ve been doing.  And also, my pal Leah [big ups Laotong!] “tagged” me, which, it appears means that I have been challenged to tell y’all what I was doing 10, 20 & 30 years ago [which may be a little bit tough, since I’ll have to recall what I was doing at birth <wink wink>]  Riiigghht. But, anyway

I leave you with this comical story of what happens when you take one sleep-deprived husband & ‘put a little Captain in him’.

The following story takes place subsequent to a halloween party Saturday night.  The names have been changed to protect the innocent. 

[6:35 a.m.]

Pretty girl:  “I’ll be back.”

Pretending to be sober, sleep-deprived guy:  “Where are you going?”

Pretty girl:  “To get a glass of water.” 

Pretending to be sober, sleep-deprived guy:  “Why?”

Pretty girl:  “Because I’m thirsty.  You didn’t bring me a glass before when you said you would.  What happened there?”

Pretending to be sober, sleep-deprived guy:  “Hmph … I don’t know.”

Pretty girl:  “Ok, then.  I’ll be back.”

Pretending to be sober, sleep-deprived guy:  “Well make sure the refrigerator is there.   I couldn’t find it earlier.”

Pretty girl:  “???, ok.” 

[When I questioned him about it the next morning he recalled that he had apparently gotten very hungry in the middle of the night and sleep-walked to the kitchen.  There, he proceeded to become very aggitated because y’all he seriously could not find the refrigerator!!!   He blames lack of sleep.  I blame the Captain!]


Never trust a man in patent leather boots.  Arrgh.


Naked step-aerobics October 22, 2007

Filed under: Events,Family,Food,Fun!,Quotes — Layni @ 3:38 pm

Remember when my Mom was admitted to the hospital with chest pains and had to have an angiogram done?  And after the invasive through-the-groin-into-the-heart procedure, it turned out to be normal?  Turns out, it was her gall bladder [they maybe mentioned it might be], which she will be having promptly removed tomorrow.  

We’ve been assured it’s a ‘routine’ out-patient procedure, but she’ll still need to not be alone for 24-hours.  So, Mom’s coming for a visit.  I maybe think this is a ruse by her to eat all of our organic food.

Did I mention that Harold loves to aggravate my Mom?  Does.  You know, like pulling the car up or back a few feet every time she tries to get in [he loves that one!] Or calling her to see how she’s doing because he just heard on the radio that you should, “check on the elderly”. She actually enjoys it & plays right along.


Mom [in a call to Harold today]:  So it looks like I’ll be staying with you guys after my surgery.

Harold:  What?!  Why?!

Mom:  Well, they don’t want you to be by yourself for 24-hours following the procedure.

Harold:  [Long sigh] Well, that’s fine.  As long as you know that I have a routine.

Mom:  You do?  What’s that?

Harold:  I do naked step-aerobics in the guest bedroom every day.


Something that has entertained me recently October 20, 2007

Filed under: Children,Events,Family,Fun!,Quotes,Random,Travel,Uncategorized — Layni @ 12:13 pm

The planning of a trip to PA to my cousin Steve’s wedding reception. [Which … you know. Of course. Because scheduling is so frequently entertaining.]  Specifically, the fact that the invitation touted the event as an “Adult Only” reception. For one thing, we have the girls. So this is a little us-excluding so we were forced to thoughtfully decline. This is also when I received Email #1 from my fantastic aunt [Hi, Aunt Amy!], saying that she’d talked to another aunt [mother of the groom] & that some sort of grievous error had been made in the printing of the invitations … they loved children … everyone loved children … bring your children on!  Happy day then.  Only there’s just one more thing.  Max.  So another email was sent [because it’s long distance and we possibly might be afraid of phones.]  Would it be ok for us to bring Max?  Email #2 arrived.  Bring your dog on!  The more the merrier!

So a plan was hatched.  Or so we thought.  Enter Email #3.  Wrenches have been thrown.  Plans have been overturned.  A thousand pardons but indeed, the bride’s family DOES NOT want children there.  In fact, they will actually shoot them on sight. It’s true.

Oh, ok. We get it. But now I‘m curious.  I mean, seriously, what could go on at a wedding reception that would make it imperative that children are not there?  I suspect pole dancing.  Because guests like that.

We decide that we will go & the girls can just stay at Aunt Amy’s house while we’re at the reception doing body shots.  We’ll only be gone a couple of hours.  So yeah!  It’s a plan. :::peeking through my fingers::: Right? :::looking with one eye::: We cool?  Anyone?  Anyone?  No?  Good.

But ok, here’s a question; What would one wear to just a reception?  Because it’s not like we’ll be coming right from a wedding in your dressy clothes.  And it’s also a little bit confusing because it’s at a “club”, which is good & all foretelling like, me thinks.  Like a Country Club.  Or a Golf Club.

Oh, contraire my redneck éclair!

After a little online research it appears that this is more the Hunt Club variety.  And AAAAAAAAAAH!  And by that, I mean, “What a lovely room of death!”  Complete with walls of carnage, chandelier of antlers & pictures of the recent ‘Coyote Hunt.’  Yeah, so alright-y then, jeans it is!

I’m sure it will be a fun night [Yes, Jodi. You can smuggle in provide your own Grey Goose.] Congratulations to the newlyweds.  And if I‘m not bringing my kids, I better see somebody better do a bong hit.

[Pictures to follow the event. Most definitely.]


Handsome & handy … a double-threat guy October 15, 2007

Filed under: Creativity,Events,Family,Fun!,Photos,Random,Uncategorized — Layni @ 2:28 pm

Friday night while I was at Costco, Harold called to ask me if I planned to stop at Jungle Jim’s to pick up some wine [because y’all, only Jungle Jim’s carries organic wine].  I said I might and “Why?”  Would he like something?  Oh, he might have a glass or two of whatever I picked up.  On account of he had a LOT of home improvement-y type stuff to do over the weekend.  So yes, thank you, it might be nice.  So I was really, really thoughtful & bought him a smallish bottle of Jim Beam, because I seemed to recall that he sort of likes that with Coke. 

So, Saturday evening, after a Beam & Coke [or two or three … but who’s counting?], he decided THAT would be the perfect time to install the new hardware on the kitchen cabinets.  Um, well, I don’t know … err, ok then.  Be careful.  He’d been in the kitchen for some time & I stopped by to see how it was coming along.

Harold:  “What are you laughing at?”

Self:  “Nothing.  Hey, are you ok to be installing those cabinet knobs?”

Harold:  “I’m fine.  Why?”

Self:  “Well, you have had a couple of Beam & Cokes.  [Did I mention that he rarely drinks]?

Harold:  “Oh, honey.  I’m fiiiinnnnnee.  Really.”

Self:  “Yeah, ok, but also you’re using only a scrap of paper & a gel pen to try to accurately determine where you intend to place these knobs.”

Harold:  “It’s totally science!  See, I’ve marked on this piece of paper here, the distance between here & here & yeah, so right in the middle here [pointing] … that is the center.  See?”  [Science.  Totally.]

Self:  “Uh-huh, yeah, I see.  Ok.  So then which knobs will we actually use?  The ones on this side or the one’s you’re planning to place on the hinge side of the cabinets?”



Pride & possibly prejudice October 14, 2007

Increasingly, over the past few months or so, Maddie has become more & more lax about picking up her clothes.  Basically, wherever they fall off of her body, that’s where they remain until I notice them & am all, “Why would you not put these in those in the hamper?  It’s like 10 steps away from where you’ve dropped them!”  Even then, she’s so easily distractable at 7, that she’ll pick up said clothes, hold them tightly in her grubby little hands & then get side-tracked by telling me a story about her day, letting me know what movie she wants to watch that night or what book she’d like me to read that I’ll actually witness her tossing them from one spot on the floor to the other to pursue more pressing matters.  Like which outfit will bring more boys to the yard tomorrow.

I try to be assertive.  Really.  I’m all, “If you leave your clothes on the floor one more time I’m throwing them away.”  That’s right sister.  Your favorite OshKosh B’Gosh skirt.  Gone.  Don’t test me.  I’m hard core.

So tonight she confirmed what I already suspected.  She’s heard it too many times.  The empty threats made to her sister.  She’s not buying the lie.  Crap!  I walk into the bathroom to [again!] find ALL of her clothes, in a heap, but this time with an overturned Dixie Cup on top that reads;


Taking lazy to a whole ‘nother level.  Cup reads, “I will get these tomorrow, ok?”

See, some may be inclined to be distressed by this situation, but me … me, I’m encouraged, because my girl’s applying what I taught her.  “Whatever you do, be the best at it!”  So someday.  Someday she WILL be the valedictorian of LAZY. 

I’m very proud.


Miscellaneous ranting & raving October 12, 2007

Filed under: Creativity,Family,Food,Friends,Fun!,Random,Uncategorized — Layni @ 11:14 am

I saw you chain smoking this morning in your car.  You were younger than myself, had a handicap placard on your rear view mirror & you actually lit one cigarette from another.  You chased it with a convenient store Big Gulp.  It was not even 9 a.m.!  You’re just gross. 

Your service is commendable, but your shuttle bus says, “To serve is A honor.”  On BOTH sides.  How could someone not have caught this?  Anyone?!

No, ‘scruples’ are not something you buy at the bakery [Ashton].  Scones are.

You blow up things in the shared office microwave & leave the mess.  My coffee tastes like tuna casserole.  Stop that.

The woman who immediately becomes quiet when I enter the bathroom and go into the stall next to hers needs to understand that everyone pees.  I pee.  You pee.  We pee.  Please, just pee.

The woman who makes audible, growl-y, grunting noises regardless of the fact that I’m in the stall next to hers.  This should not be necessary.  You may need more fiber.

Who the hell are “they”?  Who? Who?  If you can’t give me specific names then I don’t care what “they” say.

Search phrase that lead you to my blog for ‘hot 13 year old girls’.  Do not let me find out who you are.