Last night (early this morning, really) while I was sitting on the couch trying to muster enough strength to get ready for bed the dogs & I heard women’s voices, loud, shouting women’s voices, seemingly running right past our front door. Kalabou began to do that low growly, whiney thing where she fills up her cheeks with air. Which is sort of funny really because, why? Is that supposed to be intimidating? That she can hold air in her mouth? Really? Because that just doesn’t seem like something that would make me run for my life. I think she needs a better strategy.
Anyway, I bolted off of the couch & making pretend binoculars with my hands, peered out of the window. From the yard next door (which has been for sale & uninhabited for several months) I saw two sizable women sporting ill-fitted sweat clothes & no breast support, charging across the yard towards our house with lit cigarettes dangling from their lips. I nearly ducked down because I was so shocked to see anyone over there, let alone at 12:30 in the morning, and I don’t mind telling you, they didn’t look like ladies that would take kindly to being spied on, “ OOPS. YOU MUST FORGIVE ME BECAUSE I WAS COMPELLED BY YOUR SHOUTING TO LOOK OUT OF MY WINDOW. I’M SURE YOUR EARLY MORNING SHOUTING IS FOR A GOOD REASON & I’M NOW GOING TO LEAVE YOU ALONE TO DO MORE OF IT.”
Just then they reached the side of our front porch & I could faintly tell that they were trying to wrangle a dog that’d apparently gotten through a hole in our wire fence (the only section of our yard that isn’t fenced with picket or privacy fencing) that runs from the back of the house out to the street. I continued to watch [less conspicuously, from behind the coat rack] as they proceeded to peel back my fence and in the light that was spreading across the yard from the porch, saw them free two (count them one — two) Black Labradors. The
truck drivers ladies encouraged the dogs back into the house while I watched on, hoping against all hope that they were maids sent to get the house ready to sell.
With my fingers crossed, I headed to bed. Harold was stirring from his 1st of 8 or so alarms so I told him the story. What I said was a lot. What he heard was, “… they peeled back our fence”. So he discussed how he would need to stop at the hardware store on the way home to pick up replacement fencing and then was all, “… so, we have lesbian neighbors?” before falling back asleep.
Some time between him getting up with the 8th alarm, going down to work out & coming back up to get dressed, I fell asleep.
“I don’t think they’re a maid service.”
“The ladies next door. I don’t think they’re a maid service.”
“Because they’re naked.”
“I glanced out the window on the stair landing [which, by the way, is directly across from their kitchen window], & yeah, one of them is in the kitchen on her hands & knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor in her underpants.”
“Great. We have fat, NAKED, lesbian neighbors.”
“With two Labradors.”