Random Thoughts on Symmes

… inept, but trying real hard

I want my Maumee! July 27, 2007

Filed under: Children, Events, Family, Fun!, Photos, Travel — Layni @ 9:45 am

Well y’all – we’re heading out for vacation. 

We’re leaving this afternoon & driving north to Maumee Bay on Lake Erie. 

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We’ll hang out there thru Saturday, hiking & placing a couple of letterboxes [please see "Good Wholesome Fun", I'm not explaining this again!] & then Sunday morning we’ll head back this way a bit to Ohio Cavern’s.  Did y’all know we had caves this close to us?  Neither did we [thanks for the tip Sheila!]

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Cool, huh?

Here we’re staying at Indian Lake State Park Sunday & Monday night, which is also near West Liberty, where we’ll likely head over to so we can check out Piatt Castles.  Because castles are cool.

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And shhhhhh, don’t tell the kids, but we’re also going to Marmon Valley Farm to  go horseback riding. 

So anyway, I have to go get packed … because I work best under pressure, obviously. 

Have a great weekend & I’ll give you an update when we get back on Tuesday.

 

Jesus loves me, this I know July 24, 2007

Filed under: Children, Events, Family, Friends, Fun!, Photos, Uncategorized — Layni @ 3:01 pm

We had a nice weekend.  Which I think I’ll post a story or two about.  [But don't let the title apply to this first story, because it most certainly doesn't!]

We had our company picnic on Friday.  It was a b-e-a-utiful day & a good time was had by all.  I managed to sustain a couple of game-related injuries,  because I just have to tell you, some of these activities were NOT SAFE FOR WORK Y’ALL!  [And not just because we were all running around buttnaked either!] 

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While we admired Darcy’s effort & her obvious commitment to her team, she only managed to land the first runner-up spot in the, “How Many Brands of Beer Can You Drink?” competition.  Nice try Darcy. *

I don’t even know how but can only assume that the rope burn on my boob was from tug-of-war & also I bruised my calf falling off of a tight rope!   See how I said tight rope right there?  See what I mean?  DANGEROUS!  We played charades, which I love & also I like to think that I’m pretty good at, but then there was some beer there [hi beer], so we’re doing really well & we’re neck-in-neck with the opposing team and then it’s my turn.  Yeah!  I draw from the bowl & you guys … it was, ‘The Wizard of Oz”!  Only one of my favorite movies of all time, so I know I’ve got this in the bag.  [The following poor judgement, likely brought to you, maybe a little bit, by "Beer".]  Instead of doing the universally recognized motions for ‘movie’ ::: hand in circle over one eye, squinting with the other & turning an imaginary crank with other hand … because apparently the last camera produced was in 1913! :::, ‘3 words’ ::: hold up # of fingers :::, then simply clicking my heels together [hello ruby slippers] – I begin smiling & skipping gleefully around in front of my team with my arms bent at the elbows like I was linked arm-in-arm with two dear friends [or from their perspective, it's possible that it could've looked like I was high & square dancing].  So when they failed to get it immediately [what the heck people???] I then began gesturing with my hands towards the ground in a swervy motion to make it completely clear that I was OBVIOUSLY skipping with my friends the Scarecrow & the Lion on a golden sidewalk [gawd!].  I Finally did go with the whole; movie, 3 words thing & skipped a bit more & someone was able to guess.  Whew!  I sat down, took a sip of beer & shouted, “Click my heels!!!  I should’ve just clicked my heels!”  [So a big thank you to my teammates for resisting the urge to point this out to me.]

Good times.  Moving on.

Saturday morning we had to pick Ashton up from camp at 10:00.  Harold stayed behind to get Mom’s grass cut, so it was just Maddie & I.  We’re heading down the highway doing about 65-70 & were almost to our exit when a truck in the left lane ran over something in his lane & sent it airborn … right at me!!!  I had precious cargo & no time to react.  I could see it coming & knew it was inevitable, so I prayed for the best, expected the worst, ducked down a bit, braced myself & plowed right through it.  It hit the front of my car & EXPLODED!  Literally.  Into a million bits, flying left & right!  So I was all, “Oh, my gosh Maddie!  Did you see that!?”  “Nope”, she said, “I was playing my gameboy.  See what?” 

I know I shouldn’t have, but I might have mentioned to God, as I continued on my way to get Ashton, that if He would like to go ahead & fix any damages to my car, that it’d be much appreciated.  After all, I hadn’t seen it yet & could only speculate.  [sometimes folks maybe shouldn't sit too close to me on account of lightning strikes & stuff].

I went on, fully expecting my car to not run right, because whatever I’d struck, also went up under the car.  But it did.  It ran fine.  We were fine.  My baby was fine.  It was all fine.  [Thank you God, thank you, thank you, thank you!] 

When I got home, Harold assessed the damage and was frankly amazed at how little it had done [Coincidence?  I think not.]  He actually thought that he could buff out, what appeared to be fiberglass debris from the ‘thing’ I hit, with rubbing compound.  Guess what you guys?  He was right!  Can you believe it?  A ‘thing’ the size of the hood of a Pinto hits you head-on at 70 mph-ish & nothing?!  Barely a scratch?

Thank you God!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!  Jesus loves me THIS I KNOW!

* Y’all knew this wasn’t really our picnic, right?  But it sure is a funny picture.  Feel free to submit additional captions.

 

Oh, we’ll live happily ever after [but it may take wine] July 18, 2007

Filed under: Children, Events, Family, Fun!, Photos, Random, Uncategorized — Layni @ 2:00 pm

Hi there!  Hope you are not looking for something good!  Because, I have been a little busy.  And apparently, as you’ll soon notice, I do not have the time for complete sentences.  Ah, the anticipation, right?  So basically, here is the short version.  And by short version, I mean “now I will go over, in minute detail, the trivial annoyances that have kept me from writing stuff.

I’ve been working.  [Hey, technically that’s a complete sentence.  Who? I’ve.  Been – which is letting you know its past tense.  What?  Working … so see, there’s the verb.  Maybe I was wrong about the complete sentences.  I’m good at it!] 

When I come home there are needy people & things there.  Home can be very demanding.  Like kids who love me, but prefer food.  Example:

[Walk in the back door from work.] 

Maddie:  “What’s for dinner?”

Me:   “Um, yeah, ‘hi’.”

Harold:  “Maddie, that’s not nice to ask, ‘What’s for dinner?’ as soon as Mommy gets home.  You should say, ‘hi!’ first”

Maddie:  “Hi Mommy.  What’s for dinner?”

Ugh.

Aw, but then there’s Ashton.  Dear, dear, sweet Ashton.  Always so generous with her affections & expressive of her feelings.  Who gleefully bounds down the stairs each day to greet me at the door with a hug & a kiss.  [That part is true.]

Ashton:  “Hi Mommy!  How was your day?”

Me:  “Good thanks.”

Ashton:  “That’s good.  Hey, I need $400, 16 loads of laundry done tonight, 32 permission slips filled out, a copy of my birth certificate & a covered dish.  By tomorrow.  What’s for dinner?”  [That part is a little exaggerated, but for the most part.  Also true.]

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Oh, they may look cute, but sweet Jesus, rrrruuuunnnnn!!!!!! 

So what am I going to fix for dinner?

Also, you guys, Kalabou [dog recently diagnosed with seizures that require us – and generally by ‘us’ I mean ‘me’] to give her meds twice a day.  For the rest of her life.  Note to self: Add this to list of ‘things to do’.]  Yeah, her.  Well, she’s been acting all itchy.  And y’all, it’s really hard to sleep when you keep hearing :::thumpthumpthumpthumpthump:::  “Wha – !!!  What’s that?” 

So I’m leaving work now to drag her to the vet, much to her dismay, to get a steroid shot for ‘itchy’.  There, she’ll engage in retaliatory action, because, “My God, these people hold me down, shave me & stick me with needles!  Mom!  Do you not remember that they do this to me!?”  Truly, nothing much good has ever come from a trip to the vet.  At least not recently, and she knows this.  So, much like an octopus that shoots ink when in danger, Kalabou proceeds to poo on the floor when scared and pee on herself when in danger.  So while she’s going in for a teeny little shot that exists only to make her feel better, she’ll likely come out needing a bath.  Because, like my other girls, she thinks I need something else to do. 

ps.  Harold, I am definitely taking the van!

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Would sir be kind enough to feed us popcorn?  [Kalabou (L), Max (R) & playing sir',my cousin Chris.]

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You sir, are kind indeed.  More please.  Thank you.

 

Not reaching their target audience July 16, 2007

Filed under: Children, Creativity, Family, Fun!, Photos — Layni @ 9:32 am

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[Bad camera phone pic; what you may not be able to see ... the Chaser Plus, cardboard bottle of beer in cozy & beef jerky.  Classy.]

At the grocery this weekend, we looked over to find Maddie, sitting in the beer case.  [We suspect she's a drunk.]  Daddy went for his camera.  I added the props.  She’ll definitely bring this up in therapy when she’s older. 

 

Good, wholesome fun July 15, 2007

Filed under: Children, Events, Family, Friends, Fun!, Random, Travel, Uncategorized — Layni @ 2:00 pm

We spent a really nice Saturday afternoon letterboxing at Keehner Park with the Sextons.  On another occassion, they’d already found the series of letterboxes that we set out to find, so while we ventured off to look for them, they went elsewhere in the park & placed another one.  We found them all!  We were very proud.  Because we’re easily excitable.

[Wherein a whole bunch of y'all are probably rolling your eyes at our white-bread suburbanism.]

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[Shiny happy people.  With extra shiny.] 

After several failed attempts at a group photo [balancing the camera on a limb, placing it on a stump, holding it out in front of us, asking the man in the hockey mask, etc.] it finally occurred to me that Jo’s camera had a wrist carrier on it.  We hung it from a branch, gathered in & voila!  Such a handsome [albeit sweaty] group … even if Harold does look like a jogger who was jogging by, stopped, smiled & went on his way ["Who's that guy?"]  Oh, & Jo might look like she needs ambulatory service & even though she is hot & sweaty from our inhumane steep mountain ascent hike, she’s mostly just sun burnt from hanging out at the pool earlier.  She’s fine.  Really.  Fine.

 We enjoyed mid 80’s temperatures, beautiful breezes, played in creeks, got excercise [about 6 miles worth!], spent quality time with friends & family, made memories & saw some unusual sights …

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[Not a good tree for 'base'.]

 

Holy crap! July 13, 2007

Filed under: Fun!, Random, Uncategorized — Layni @ 11:40 pm

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Dear BRAILLE Fifth Third ATM machine that is placed in a clearly drive-in only location,

You are unnecessary & frankly, you scare us.

In Christ,

Layni

 

Rant, rant, rant, et al July 12, 2007

Filed under: Children, Family, Quotes, Random, Uncategorized — Layni @ 11:15 pm

[et al; legal speak for "and also with other stuff]

I read recently [or maybe I saw it on tv] that companies now have  to provide training to their managers to effectively deal with spoiled little pukes young professionals emerging from college & into the workplace.  These kids have been so conditioned to believe that the world revolves around them that they’re not just content to work for their paycheck [why, the injustice!]  These kids are actually expecting frequent atta-boy/girls, recognition & perks for just doing their job[!]  Because if Nathan took a poopie in the big boy potty & not behind the living room curtains – he would get a video game.  [Yay, Nathan!]  And if little Jessica ate 4 bites of her dinner, she got a Polly Pocket for her outstanding achievement.  Holy insanity! 

These kids are a direct result of the up & coming ‘coddled’ generation.  The generation whose parents were too afraid of repercussion to effectively collar-snatch them up & give them a dirty beatin’ discipline them properly but instead were encouraged to, ‘get down to the child’s eye-level & ask them to share their feelings.’  “Joshua, why did you just pimp-slap Mommy?  Hmmm?  Ohhh, you felt frustrated?  Well, let’s talk about your feelings.”  Aarrggh!  They’ve been fussed over all of their lives, so in their mind, they are very important.  They totally feel a sense of entitlement.  To whatever they want.  Whenever they want it.  What happened to paying your dues?  Working your way up through the ranks?  Proving yourself? 

I hadn’t seen it.  Only read about it [or maybe saw it on tv, again, I don't know].  But now I’ve experienced it personally.  And let me tell y’all, it ain’t pretty.  I can’t be specific because co-workers read my blog, but let me just say this;  kids, if I could meet your parents, I’d definitely get down to their eye-level, look them straight in the eye & PIMP-SLAP them myself!  And then I’d say, “Guess what lady?  That’s what he was trying to tell you when he did it to you at 3!”  “What?  You’re regretful?  Well, let’s talk about that feeling.” 

Moving right along.  Let’s talk about having “happy periods”. 

I saw a commercial yesterday for Always pads & did you guys know that we could have ’happy periods’?  And if you did; why wouldn’t you tell me!?   ‘Have a Happy Period’.  That’s what the commercial said!  Like I’m going to go, “Wait … you mean that my ill-fated decision to use Stayfree has been the reason that I get crampy, bitchy, bloated, break out & cry at cat food commercials, when all this time I could have been having happy periods!?  Dammit!  I hate you Always, for thinking that I’m STUPID!  Happy period.  Please.

[side note: so I'm sitting here typing this & watching Rob & Big & a commercial comes on for Kandoo wipes for kids ... which, first of all, this is on MTV, so I'm not so sure they're reaching their target audience, but anyway, their commercial claimed that Kandoo wipes 'makes wiping easy & fun'.  Fun.  Wiping.  I've been missing out on this action too?]

Miscellaneous random rants …

Please let me merge onto the highway.  My lane ends & you’re creeping by in bumper to bumper traffic anyway.  You’re just being mean.

Do not take a pencil from my desk & claim that you thought it was one I probably didn’t want because it was pink.  I do not keep the pens & pencils on my desk that I don’t like.  I keep those in the garbage!

Man in the cafeteria every day.  Wait until you get back to your desk to blow your nose so loud & hard that it sounds like you’ve hurt yourself.  Everyone in the cafeteria actually has a secret ‘look’ complete with disgusted eye roll that we give each other now.  You gross us out!

Coworkers, quit using the term ‘to your point’.  It doesn’t exist outside of ‘company’.  Because it doesn’t make sense out there.

When I’m agitated, do not offer me chocolate.  Further, if you’re married to me, do not ask me if it’s ‘about that time’.  If it is, then you’ve just made a mistake.

Hey, I think I may have just figured out the reason for this rant post. 

Good night y’all.  Have a happy Friday [& if you're having your period, well, I hope it's happy too].

 

Her compassion makes me proud July 10, 2007

Filed under: Children, Events, Family, Friends, Quotes, Random, Uncategorized — Layni @ 2:25 pm

Ashton: ”Were you just talking to **** on the phone?”

Mommy: “Yeah.” 

Ashton: “Did I hear you say that she was depressed?”

Mommy: “Yeah, she was a little.”

Ashton:  “How come?”

Mommy: “She didn’t really know, she was just feeling a little blue.  Her Mom gets depressed, so did her Grandma, so she –”

Ashton: “–hey, my waffles are ready!” [exits room]

Proving that 14 year olds are not the most compassionate people on earth – in case there was ever any doubt.  Which, I don’t guess there was.

 

iPhonatics July 9, 2007

Filed under: Events, Fun!, Photos, Random, Uncategorized — Layni @ 3:51 pm

Seriously.  What’s happening?  Can you even believe this? 

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Um, so, y’all know that this is a phone, right? 

I love technology [but not as much as you, you see].

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Because you.  You will curl up like a homeless person & sleep on a sidewalk in downtown San Francisco.  For a phone. 

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Or in a tent.  On the curb.  In your suit.  In the iPhone shanty town.

WHAT KIND OF PHONE NERDS ARE YOU?! 

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Oh, that kind.  [Honestly, how long do you have to sit in a camp chair before your ankles & feet swell & ooze out of your sandals like that?  Wonder what he was waiting in line for when he grew that beard?]

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And then always with the slimy street sales guy who waits in line to buy ‘that must-have-thing’ that everybody is going insane over — only to turn around & try to sell it for a hefty profit.  “Oooo, me, me!  I’ll take that must-have-thing that I’ll be able to get into the store & get for retail cost tomorrow or could wait 3 months & pay 1/2 for.  Thanks alot mister!”

<sniff> I’m sad for our world.  So to make myself feel better, I’m going to go get into my shiny new sports car, listen to my iPod & head home to watch, “So You Think You Can Dance?”, help Ashton set up her own blog [because the apple & the not falling far from the tree & all that] & then get on YouTube to watch cats play the piano.  On account of I’m sad.

Talk to y’all later!

 

Live Earth July 6, 2007

Filed under: Children, Creativity, Events, Family, Food, Friends, Fun!, Random — Layni @ 10:06 am

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Remember when I was talking about ‘light green’?  And I said that I’d post some helpful hints, tips & practical advice about how to go about it?  This is not that.  Well, not exactly.

What it is, is this.  Live Earth is a 24-hour, 7-continent concert series taking place on 7/7/07  [tomorrow!] that will bring together more than 100 music artists and 2 billion people to trigger a global movement to solve the climate crisis.  And I probably don’t need to tell you, but guess who’s playing it [well, I mean in addition to 100 or so other artists, of course]?  JOHN!  JOHN!  JOHN!  Yes, John

[Sidebar:  Harold just called & was all, "What are you doing?"  And I told him I was posting about Live Earth & that John would be performing on Saturday at exactly 5:12, etc. etc.  I'm talking away & he suddenly cuts in laughing with, "John?  You're on a first name basis now?!  I was sitting here trying to think, John who?  Who do we know who's an artist?"  Um, hi.  John.  Jeesh.]

Check out this line-up.  Holy cow!  If anyone wants to have a Live Earth party on Saturday.  Call me!   I’m serious.

I really don’t see how, with the line-up & the coverage, the message, etc. that this event will not [at the very least] start a huge ripple effect that could potentially change the world by making people aware, changing people’s perspectives & attitudes towards things that we do, consume & see happening but don’t do anything about it. 

So please go check out the links & browse around … and for those of you with your arms crossed all, “I don’t have time to look at that.”  Here’s the list of ways to green your home I promised you [Oh, hey!  Maybe this post is that]:

1. Green up your appliances. Getting rid of that old refrigerator in the garage could save you as much as $150 a year, according to the Environmental Protection Agency. Appliance use comprises about 18% of a typical home’s total energy bill, with the fridge being one of the biggest energy hogs. If any of your appliances is more than 10 years old, the EPA suggests replacing them with energy-efficient models that bear their “Energy Star” logo. Energy Star-qualified appliances use 10%-50% less energy and water than standard models. According to the Energy Star site, if just one in 10 homes used energy-efficient appliances, it would be equivalent to planting 1.7 million new acres of trees.

Also, consider what you put in that energy-efficient refrigerator. Pesticides, transportation and packaging are all things to consider when stocking up. Buying local cuts down on the fossil fuels burned to get the food to you while organic foods are produced without potentially harmful pesticides and fertilizers.

2. Watch the temp. Almost half a home’s energy consumption is due to heating and cooling. 

  • Turn down the thermostat in cold weather and keep it higher in warm weather. Each degree below 68°F (20°C) during colder weather saves 3%-5% more heating energy, while keeping your thermostat at 78°F in warmer weather will save you energy and money. A programmable thermostat will make these temperature changes for you automatically.
  • Clean your furnace’s air filter monthly during heavy usage.
  • Consider a new furnace. Today’s furnaces are about 25% more efficient than they were in the 1980s. (And don’t forget to check out furnaces carrying the Energy Star label.)
  • To keep your cool in warmer weather, shade your east and west windows and delay heat-generating activities such as dishwashing until evening.
  • Use ceiling fans instead of air conditioners. Light clothing in summer is typically comfortable between 72°F and 78°F. But moving air feels cooler, so a slow-moving fan easily can extend the comfort range to 82°F, according to “Consumer Guide to Home Energy Savings” by Alex Wilson.

3. Save water. The Web site “Water — Use it Wisely,” created by a group of Arizona cities, lists 100 simple ways to save water. We’ll share just a few here:

  • Put an aerator on all household faucets and cut your annual water consumption by 50%. 
  • Install a low-flow toilet. They use only 1.6 gallons per flush, compared to 3.5 gallons per flush for pre-1994 models. If you have an older model, adjust your float valve to admit less water into the toilet’s tank. 

Of course, you don’t need products to save water — behavioral changes also add up quickly: using a broom instead of the garden hose to clean your driveway can save 80 gallons of water and turning the water off when you brush your teeth will save 4.5 gallons each time.

4. Clean green. Stop buying household cleaners that are potentially toxic to both you and the environment. In his book, “The Safe Shopper’s Bible,” David Steinman suggests reading labels for specific, eco-friendly ingredients that also perform effectively. These include grain alcohol instead of toxic butyl cellosolve, commonly found in carpet cleaner and some window cleaners as a solvent; coconut or other plant oils rather than petroleum in detergents; and plant-oil disinfectants such as eucalyptus, rosemary or sage rather than triclosan, an antifungal agent found in soaps and deodorant. Or, skip buying altogether and make your own cleaning products. Use simple ingredients such as plain soap, water, baking soda (sodium bicarbonate), vinegar, washing soda (sodium carbonate), lemon juice and borax and save money at the same time. Check out these books by Annie Bertold-Bond for cleaning recipes: “Clean and Green” and “Better Basics for the Home.”

5. Let there be energy-efficient light. Compact Fluorescent Light bulbs (CFLs) use 66% less energy than a standard incandescent bulb and last up to 10 times longer. Replacing a 100-watt incandescent bulb with a 32-watt CFL can save $30 in energy costs over the life of the bulb.

6. Save a tree, use less paper.  You can buy “tree-free” 100% post-consumer recycled paper for everything from greeting cards to toilet paper. Paper with a high post-consumer waste content uses less virgin pulp and keeps more waste paper out of landfills.

Other tips:

  • Remove yourself from junk mail lists. Each person will receive almost 560 pieces of junk mail this year, which adds up nationally to 4.5 million tons, according to the Native Forest Network. About 44% of all junk mail is thrown in the trash, unopened and unread, and ends up in a landfill. To stem the flow into your own home, contact the Direct Marketing Association’s Mail Preference Service at P.O. Box 643, Carmel, NY 10512, or download the online form. Opt out of credit card or insurance offers at OptOutPrescreen.com or by calling 888-567-8688, a single automated phone line maintained by the major credit bureaus.
  • Buy unbleached paper. Many paper products, including some made from recycled fibers, are bleached with chlorine. The bleaching process can create harmful byproducts, including dioxins, which accumulate in our air, water and soil over time.

Finally, here’s a third answer to the old “paper or plastic” question: No thanks. Carry your own cloth bags to the store to avoid using store bags.

7. Want hardwood floors? Opt for bamboo. Bamboo is considered an environmentally friendly flooring material due to its high yield and the relatively fast rate at which it replenishes itself. It takes just four to six years for bamboo to mature, compared to 50-100 years for typical hardwoods. Just be sure to look for sources that use formaldehyde-free glues.

8. Reduce plastics, reduce global warming. Each year, Americans throw away some 100 billion polyethylene plastic bags — from grocery and trash bags to those ultra-convenient sandwich bags. Unfortunately, plastics are made from petroleum — the processing and burning of which is considered one of the main contributors to global warming, according to the EPA. In addition, sending plastics to the landfill also increases greenhouse gases. Reduce, re-use and recycle your plastics for one of the best ways to combat global warming.

9. Use healthier paint. Conventional paints contain solvents, toxic metals and volatile organic compounds (VOCs) that can cause smog, ozone pollution and indoor air quality problems with negative health effects, according to the EPA. These unhealthy ingredients are released into the air while you’re painting, while the paint dries and even after the paints are completely dry. Opt instead for zero- or low-VOC paint, made by most major paint manufacturers today.

10. Garden green. First, use compost instead of synthetic fertilizers. Compost provides a full complement of soil organisms and the balance of nutrients needed to maintain the soil’s well-being without the chemicals of synthetic fertilizers. And healthy soil minimizes weeds and is key to producing healthy plants, which in turn can prevent many pest problems from developing to begin with.

  • Use native plants as much as possible. Native plants have adapted over time to the local environment and support native animals. They also use less water and require less of your attention.
  • Focus on perennials. Gardening with plants that live for more than one year means you don’t have to pay for new plants every year; it also saves the resources used commercially to grow annuals.
  • Stop using chemical pesticides. American households use 80 million pounds of pesticides each year, according to the EPA. These toxic chemicals escape gardens and concentrate in the environment, posing threats to animals and people, especially children. A better alternative is to try a variety of organic and physical pest control methods, such as using diatomaceous earth to kill insects, pouring boiling water on weeds or using beer to bait slugs. You can find more non-chemical pest control tips at the National Audubon Society’s site.

Finally, consider using an old-fashioned push mower. The only energy expended is yours.

Visit the site for more ideas. 

Well have a good weekend y’all!  And I was serious about the party … call me!