Embarrassing my children, just one more service I offer January 31, 2007

 ”Do you ever blog about me?”

“Well, I’m sure I’ve mentioned you.”

“Maddie has her picture on there.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You & Harold have yours on there too.”

“You’re right, we do.”

“Well I want my picture on there too!”

“I can do that.”

So, without further ado — this is my beautiful 13 year old daughter, Ashton.

Oh, okay — wait a minute.   Here, let me post one of you that’s flattering & not at all silly.

Isn’t she adorable?  (Note same jammies as seen on younger sister in, “Because I’m busy, that’s why.” — good one Grandma).

Aww, sweetie.  I know it’s not easy being 13.  I was there once too, remember. 

The awkwardness.  The drama.  The ugly life changes.  The pressures.  The responsibilities. 

So,  if it’s of any consolation to you — your Uncle Larry is a tool too.

 

Love Mommy.

(Cool prop by Cranium, courtesy of Chris, Tina & Bailee).

Will you linkee to my blinkie? January 30, 2007

My very good friend Stacie (whom I’ve actually never met; but clearly she’s my friend because who would hook someone up with something so dope if they weren’t?), created this amazing ‘blinkie’ for the Tyler Fisher Benefit Crop.  Please feel free to use it on your webpages, blogs, email signature, etc. 

Somebody’s getting some lovins for this (or a baked good if she’d prefer).

New pig on the block January 30, 2007

Meet the newest addition to the family.  This is Hannah, Larry & Jodi’s new guinea pig (still in her cage at the guinea pig rescue waiting for them to come get her — awwww).  Their other pig, Stinker chose her — or maybe she chose them.  I don’t know exactly how that works; best smile, shiniest fur, best personality, cutest butt.  Not sure.  Anyway, she’s durn cute.  Congratulations Hannah, you couldn’t have picked better parents.

 

Open your mind to spam January 30, 2007

Yesterday I got a spam with a subject line designed to make you believe that perhaps the writer had an insider tip on the lotto or a stock tip or something, (Read; “His he digit”).  Very telling, to be sure, so as I was getting ready to delete it, I noticed that the message said this:

Instance, of man or animal, our form of speech gives the branch.

Did you know about this? Because I had no idea that form of speech gives the branch, and now that I do, I have to share the good news. I just hope it’s a Douglas fir branch – I love Douglas firs.

I read this one the other day, and am I ever glad I did:

in the case of positives and privatives,
justice is a quality wing.
For it is by stating the present, the body is called white because it contains whiteness.
a knowledge of primary substance,
an individual man is.

Translation:

If I had two sticks I’d rub them together for heat.

Of course, there’s always going to be the ones referencing male genitalia (now, those are helpful) or the ones with the subject line that gets stuck in your head and all day you feel turrets-like urges to shout, “Margarine depressant!” every time you open your mouth, but sometimes, if you pay attention enough, I mean really pay attention to receive the blessings of their meaning, sometimes those can be the most inspirational ones of all. Would you have put those two obvious words together yourself?  See what I mean?

So the next time you receive an email that offers you the opportunity to, “Get an Unsecured Visa or Mastercard Guaranteed!” just politely decline, “Well, thanks for the offer, but I think I’ll pass.  Feels kind of unsecured, you know.”

Tyler Fisher benefit crop (it’s a scrapbook thing) January 27, 2007

It’s the most terrifying thing a parent can imagine.  Our child gets sick.  They don’t get better & eventually they wind up hospitalized.  They’re suffering & we can’t help.  They’re failing & can’t be diagnosed.  “What’s wrong with my child!”,  ”Why can’t anyone help us!?”.  It’s a frantic situation & it’s the reality of Cyndi & Adam Fisher of Hamilton, OH (a suburb of Cincinnati).

The friends of the Fisher family have joined together to raise money to offset the mounting expenses that Tyler’s family contine to incur for his care & treatment.

Tyler Fisher is a beautiful little 18 mo. old boy who has been at Children’s Hospital in Cincinnati since November of ‘06 & remains undiagnosed has only recently been diagnosed with SCIDS.  He’s already endured a liver transplant & will still need to undergo chemotherapy (they’ve discovered suspicious masses around his heart) as well as a bone marrow transplant as it’s taken so long to diagnose him & the disease (while usually treatable), has progessed. 

Tyler & his family could use our help.

SAVE THE DATE.

Friends of the Fisher family will be hosting the Tyler Fisher Benefit Crop.

When: March 3rd, 2007

Time: 10:00 a.m.  -  Midnight

Cost: $30 per person

Where: Lindenwald United Methodist Church, 3501 Pleasant Ave., Hamilton, OH  45015

Includes: Food, games, prizes, make n’ takes given by published designer/instructor, product designers on-hand, contests, tools available for use on-site, raffles, challenges).

For additional information, please submit a comment. 

Thanks in advance for caring.

Layni

I’m way more handsome here January 24, 2007

Harold was unhappy with the first picture I posted of him & has asked me to post a different picture – which he has just forwarded to me.  So, for your viewing pleasure, please enjoy this amazingly good-looking picture of Harold.

Good choice honey, it looks like my boobs are sitting on my beltbuckle.

Dear Cranky Old Man Who Cut Me Off on Route 4 January 22, 2007

I feel that I should apologize for the way I shot you the ‘stink-eye’ following your wretched driving violation.  For wrinkling up my face in a mock expression of yours as you waved at me, as though that would have saved my life, had I not been paying attention to your heinous driving abilities.  I am a Christian & therefore am holding myself accountable for my actions.

Am I sorry that I sped up & blew off your doors off as I reclaimed my rightful spot in the flow of traffic?  That as you formed a crow-like shape with your hand and waved your acknowledgement of your lack of adherence to Ohio traffic laws that I could only prove to you that my hands were bigger, that I could make a crow-hand more ferocious and realistic than yours?

Should I apologize for foiling your sick and ill-conceived scheme? For seeing the look on your face, a look that said that you didn’t want to wait, shouldn’t have to wait, that you would just cut in front of everyone else as if the world — my world, America’s world, the world of those innocent tax-paying civilians waiting their turn in line — owes you a single freaking molecule of pity because the big, mean van in front of you was making a legal left-hand turn from your lane, forcing you to swerve into the lane I was occupying?  What choice did you have?  What an inconvenience this must have been to you.  Certainly you can share my lane, directly adjacent to me.  There’s plenty of room (that rule that the cars should be in a single-file line is a bit excessive anyway, I’ve always said).

I think you should apologize to every other patron of the road who waits at the back of the line with courteous respect for protocol. You should be ashamed for playing the ‘I’m in a hurry such as you will never understand’, card and preying on everyone else’s notion of sympathy and decency, you miserable wilting boob.

In conclusion, Cranky Old Coot, I advise you to sit patiently and wait your turn. Did you really need to arrive at your unmentionable procedure a whole four minutes faster?  I may have a bad attitude, but you have the wave of a homecoming queen.

Because I’m busy … that’s why January 22, 2007

Each day I think, “I need to blog.” 

I want to.  I mean, it’s not like anyones (including my own), life depends on it or anything, (though I can’t speak for all of you) — actually, there are days when I’ll have over 70 hits & I think to myself, “I don’t even know70 people.” So I suppose someones life could depend on it — because clearly I don’t know everyone that’s reading (though I hope to meet you all one day — we’ll rent a shelter at the park). 

And to all of those folks who are checking in to see what I have to say each day, feel free to say, “Hello”.  That’d be nice.

… and I’ll continue to strive to stay more current. 

I think I’ll pop back in tonight.  See you then.

In the meantime – enjoy this picture of Maddie with Shel Silverstein.

A resolution that just may last (I hope) January 17, 2007

Last weekend my war on clutter continued, and this time it was an attack on Maddie’s room, a place occupied by more decorative glass stones (those flat on one side marble type things that some people like to fill vases with) than anyone should own – least of all a 6 yr. old.  From the day that her fine motor skills would allow her to pick up these magical, shiny stones, she’s been enamored with them.  In 3 years I haven’t vacuumed without hearing a sound that can only be compared to sticking a vacuum hose into a Coinstar machine.  She also has much love for anything ‘putty-like’; Flarp, Floam, Silly Putty, goo, etc.  Because it’s fun.

I would have to describe her room as ‘shabby’ and yet, very ‘chic’ (an oxymoron, yes, but I didn’t make it up).  The feminine white bookcase & dresser from Target, paired with the antique school desk used as a bedside table & the beautiful old red maple twin bed and the down comforter with the Ikea quilt cover. The result? Let’s just say that if I were married to Martha Stewart she’d be bakin’ me a pie tonight.

In order for this magnitude of organization to happen I had to throw away pack up quite a few toys that haven’t been touched in over a year. And in the middle of the chaos when I was shoving things into the garbage storage bag, like strange wooden puzzle pieces that belong to a puzzle we no longer recognize and a plethora of McDonald’s Happy Meal toys (& of course the decorative glass stones), I was silently praying that she wouldn’t wander in to see what all the banging around was about.  The scenario would have gone something like this, “THIS IS ALL MY STUFF!” she’d scream, “I LOVE THIS STUFF!”  Right. You love that Marriott hotel ballpoint pen that no longer works. And that teething ring. And the subscription card that fell out of a People magazine in 2004. That one was my favorite, too. 

She didn’t come in (she actually wasn’t even home, she was at a friend’s playing, but for comedic value I thought it best to insert a hypothetical – but trust me, had she been home, that’s exactly how it would have gone down).  The room got clean; crayons with crayons, markers with markers (but should the erasable crayons go with the standard type?  Or can the Crayola ‘no-cap’ markers go with the Color Wonder type?  It’s all so confusing), popcorn remnants & boa feathers (thanks Aunt Jodi & Uncle Larry!) vacuumed from the area rug (along with half a dozen decorative glass stones).  I have accomplished great things. “No, you may not play in your room again”.  Ever.

We’re bringin’ SEXY back! January 12, 2007

Conversation between Ashton & me last night. 

 ”I wanted to take you somewhere for your birthday but this something is 3 months before your actual birthday.  Would that be ok?”

“Well, you’ll have to tell me what it is first.”

“Oh yeah, well, I was thinking about ‘Bringing Sexy Back”.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!” (Misc. FAH-REAKING OUT here)

“Can I take that as a, ‘Yes’?”

“I’m seriously trying not to cry here!” (fanning eyes with hands)

So, Thursday, March 15th at 7:30 p.m. we will be JAH-AM-ING with Justin Timberlake (or as I like to call him ‘J-Tim’ … no, no I don’t) & Pink (love her!) at US Bank Arena with Kendra (aka Jud), Tammy, Ashton & Jannell.  Just off the floor, section 102, row D.  Good job Jud!

I’m seriously trying not to cry here … well, not really, but I’m totally excited! 

Happy birthday Ashton!